This could be a bit of a ramble so apologies in advance for that. I have not posted for a few weeks. I suppose I didn’t have much to say. Which is not to say that there hasn’t been a lot going on in my head, just nothing in the real world. That’s the story of my life! Is that what my life is? Is Nicola just a dream that can never exist in the real world? I’m trapped by conflicting wants. I want to keep my life and career as it is and not lose anything but feel no fulfilment in being a man. I want to be able to be the person I feel I really am and be a woman, but the consequences of that scare me. If it were possible to secretly transition and have a female body whilst trying to pass as male in my life, that feels like it would be easier than trying to pass as female during transition with a still mostly male body. Not that secretly transitioning would get me where I wanted to be either because I don’t want to be a man at all. Maybe it is that I’m scared of all the anti-trans...
I’m just a boy who dreams of being a girl. These are my musings about that journey as I try to work out exactly what that means.